When you go through a divorce, you’ll find yourself in the middle of managing work, children, property settlements and co-parenting – and often, divorce guilt. It’s often not discussed, but divorce is often a great upheaval in your life, and you may find yourself suffering in the aftermath with divorce guilt. Depending on whether you initiated the divorce and how acrimonious the divorce has been, your levels of divorce guilt and pain may be different, but most people go through a grieving process, and it’s important to know that this is okay.
Divorce Guilt Is Real
In a recent situation, Kayla (not her real name), initiated a divorce from her husband. The religious group she was part of did not condone divorce, despite the fact that it had been an abusive marriage. She says she experienced terrible divorce guilt because she wanted to end the toxic relationship, and because she could see that her children would be treated differently because of her decision. The exclusion of her religious group added to the divorce guilt and pain she had already experienced.
Research has discovered that if your divorce is bitter, then the more guilt and pain you will experience. If you have children, you may feel guilty for breaking up their family. It’s common for most people to experience divorce guilt because they feel as if they’ve failed in their marriage, or that their vows have been broken. You may also experience divorce guilt and pain if your children struggle to adjust to their new normal, but rest assured that there is plenty you can do to help both you and your children heal.
While each case is different, researchers have bought together a list that may assist in overcoming divorce guilt and pain.
How To Deal With Your Divorce Guilt and Pain
Usually, professionals recommend treating the pain and guilt of divorce in the same way as grief. The first step is to recognise that there has been a loss and not try and avoid the fact that your marriage has ended. It’s normal to feel shock and denial, especially if you didn’t initiate the divorce. Even if you did, the shock of your new reality is likely to hit you at some point. However, it’s important not to remain in this stage.
The pain of divorce is normal, and accepting such a fact will help you move on faster. It is a normal way for you to realise that something needs fixing. Even if you filed for divorce, you may also be feeling grief and pain. However, you should also realise that your pain will lessen over time. As bad as you feel right now, as time continues, you will heal.
Spend your time healing. Some people prefer to sit at home and wallow in their sadness. However, turn that grief into energy! You might like to throw your efforts into your career to take up a new volunteering position. You might start training for a marathon or get that puppy you’ve always wanted. Find something that works for you. But remember, don’t feel upset if it is taking a while to heal. A broken finger can take a months to heal because of the constant use. Divorce is a major life event and a major source of stress, so give yourself plenty of time and permission to heal. It’s not going to happen overnight, but it will happen eventually. Be patient with yourself in the meantime.
Don’t put off grieving. Pushing your feelings down deep inside never helps. Do not feel embarrassed at your sadness or grief. Instead, acknowledge it. Ask for help, talk to people and do things to better yourself. Feeling upset is a normal response to divorce and your body and mind needs to heal. You may not want to consider it, but forgiveness can help you move on. Instead of holding that grudge, put your energy into forgiving the person who has hurt you.
Also, begin to let go of what happened in the past. Yes, you were once in love with that person; but now it is time to move forward. Do not spend your time dwelling on what has happened in the past; instead, focus on how you can work on yourself in the future. However, avoid rebounds! A rebound relationship can end in disaster, because usually you are bringing all of your pain and grief into the next relationship. Instead, make sure you deal with the end of one relationship before you enter into another.
Our last tip is to find support. Whether it be from your mum, a professional mental health worker or a support group you found online; support can go a long way. Do not be afraid to ask for help.
If you need any help with the legal terms of divorce, do not be afraid to contact us. Our friendly and experienced family lawyers are ready to help you navigate this new chapter of your life.
Despite the increasing awareness of the importance of estate planning, a surprising number of people continue to pass away without a written testament or will. Unfortunately, anyone and everyone can forget to write or update their will. Young people believe they are invincible, and so writing a will seems like a task that can be put off. Young families tend to hate planning for their death because such a topic brings emotional pain or because they’re too busy to consider it. Older people sometimes simply forget or trust their families to work it out, Unfortunately, if you were to pass away without a will, the laws of intestacy apply, and this means that your estate may be divided in a way you wouldn’t want.
Choosing a conveyancer can be a difficult task especially when you just want to secure your new home; often the biggest decision you’ve ever made. Along with moving house, there may be many other things that you need to be thinking about: enrolling kids in a new school, talking to removal companies, asking your friends for help and simply packing box after box may just be a few things on your mind.
The thought of preparing children for divorce may make you feel bad, but it’s important to know that there are ways you can make the process much easier for your kids. A traumatic result is not inevitable if parents are proactive and communicative (but not over-communicative) about the what and the why of the divorce. A parent’s behavior at the outset of the process of separating can either ease or amplify pain when preparing children for divorce. Even after the divorce, remember that you’ll still have to co-parent together, so trying to have the best relationship possible in a difficult situation will mean that everyone gets the best possible outcome. If you’re thinking of divorce, it’s best to get the conversation started early so the child knows what may happen.
In 2017, country music star Glen Campbell died, leaving behind a sizable fortune and an estate dispute between his eight children and his current wife.
He found success as a session musician before embarking on a solo career that included smashes “Gentle On My Mind,” “Galveston,” “Wichita Lineman” and “Rhinestone Cowboy”, which landed him in the Country Music Hall of Fame. Campbell died shortly after his wife disclosed he was in the final stages of Alzheimer’s disease. Campbell, who was 81 at the time of his death, was first diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in August 2011.
If you’re thinking of separating from a spouse or partner, you’ve probably got family law questions, especially when there are children involved.
Family law is a complex area of law, and we come across lots of family law questions all the time. Below we have compiled a wide range of common family law questions that we hope will help you understand this area of the law better. Of course, for tailored advice, make sure you contact one of our friendly family lawyers!
Salvadore Dali died in 1989, yet an estate battle has suddenly erupted involving a potential child from an extra-marital relationship.
Recently, a judge has decided that Salvador Dali’s body will be exhumed in order to assist in settling a paternity suit that involves the estate, despite Dali having passed away in 1989. A woman named Pilar Abel, who was born in 1956, claims that she is the child of Dali after he had an affair with her mother.
How are alcoholism and divorce connected?
Recent research has shown that alcoholism is more likely to occur in people who are divorced rather than people who are married, and that divorced people use alcohol more obsessively. The research also shows that divorced people are more likely to develop alcoholic disorders and participate in risky activities. Previous studies showed that alcohol abuse lead to divorce, however, the recent research flips that statement backwards: Divorce can lead to alcohol abuse.
Do you know which estate planning questions to ask?
Imagine you are sitting down and are having a conversation with your lawyer about your estate plan. You’re going through the usual estate planning questions, like ‘what do you want to do with your house?’ Everything is going well and you are enjoying planning for your future. But some estate planning questions are harder to answer, like ‘what will happen to your children if you die?’
A recent case involving a woman wishing to overturn a prenuptial agreement may mean big changes for how such agreements are handled in Australian law. Previously, a pre-nuptial agreement (or binding financial agreement, as they are known in Australia) were a good way to keep your assets safe in the event of a marriage breakdown.